Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
