I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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