End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
