My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
