I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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