Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
