You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
