Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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