i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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