we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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