I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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