addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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