my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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