I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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