how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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