my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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