I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
