HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
