he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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