Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
