apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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