So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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