Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
