Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
