Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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