you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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