you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
