I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
