So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
