haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
