best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
