Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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