Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
