i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
