I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
