What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
