Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
