her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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