is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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