you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
