I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Two words: nipple clamps
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