dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
