Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
