so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
