my mouth tastes like poor choices
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
