I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Boobs are out for the taking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
