Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
