so that wasnt chicken after all
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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