PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're too hungover to prance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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