If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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