just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
