I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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