I faked an abortion last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
