I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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