Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
