id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
